'Sports Illustrated' Sends Out Army Of Peter Kings To Cover NFL Training Camp


New york to cover every possible angle of nfl training camp, sports illustrated has once again unleashed its army of 350, 000 peter king clones on the preseason workout facilities of all 32 nfl teams.

Marching in lockstep, dressed in identical turquoise polo shirts and khaki pants while carrying reporter's notebooks in their left hands, the legion of indistinguishable sports journalists all reportedly maintain the same smile 24 hours a day, blink at the exact same time, ralph lauren uomo tuta and ask football related questions in unison.

According to sports illustrated officials, there are currently 10, 000 peter king clones at each nfl training camp, with the remaining 30, 000 assigned to terrell owens.Schecter told reporters friday, adding that no single human being could file six extensive training camp reports in a one week span. "At any given moment we might receive 84, 000 different news items from 20 different training camps.These files are then uploaded directly from the on the ground clones to the mother king, which hosts peter king prime's original brain. "

Located in sports illustrated's spring training laboratory, the mother king is suspended 200 feet above the stainless ralph lauren bambini dress steel floor, floating in a glass container of cerebral fluid.

"Observe,"Said schecter, gesturing to a series of visible electric ralph lauren italia outlet pulses transmitted by the brain through conductive tubing to the computer, which in turn immediately generated a 340 page printout. "Right now we are getting the fallout from the dez bryant situation in dallas, a report on how ben roethlisberger's teammates are responding to him in pittsburgh, and a personal anecdote about how the peter kings are back to drinking triple grande hazelnut lattes on their current road trip. "

According to nfl teams, multiple kings can be seen on the field, off the field, talking to fans, talking to coaches, and typing on their computers all at the same time.While this creates optimal training camp coverage, players and fans have complained that looking around and seeing a swarm of identical human beings occupying every spare inch of their facility can be disturbing.By the sound of 20, 000 simultaneous footsteps marching into their respective camps.

"They all write in their notebooks at the exact same time,"Said jets quarterback mark sanchez, adding that he was put off when an array of peter kings approached him in the locker room, extended their arms, and said"Hello, mark.I'm peter.Care to answer some questions? "In half human, half robotic voices. "I was relieved when the interview was over.But when i got onto the field there were 250 more kings waiting for me who said,'hello, mark.I'm peter.How would you assess the offense this year?'"

"Peter king is everywhere,"Sanchez added.

"It's definitely creepy,"Houston texans running back steve slaton said. "The sight of 400 peter king heads following my every cut and juke in perfect unison is just bizarre.Especially because his eyes don't move.Just his head, like a lizard.Frank deford, the king duplicates originated from reproduced skin grafts and body parts of the late peter king, a sports illustrated football journalist who died of a heart attack in 2002 while taping a segment for inside the nfl.

Deford, also referred to as"Father"By all peter king clones, was unavailable to comment for this article.However, in a 2007 interview with hbo's real sports, a gaunt, sallow looking deford can be seen gazing almost rapturously at 200, 000 hibernating clones and calling them"A perfect sports journalist superorganism capable of carrying out its design function flawlessly and effortlessly. "

He later orders the cameras to stop rolling when ralph lauren uomo outlet it appears as if one of the peter king clones has lifted his head and is unexpectedly becoming operational.

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